Wembridge and Mac revel amongst good burgers of Chenies

Twenty20. Contrary to rumour, not named after the average number of pints of Wifebeater consumed by Rory Cusack on an evening out, nor the average number of post-match BBQ burgers scoffed by Charlie Bennett. Instead, we had the opportunity of a double-header against neighbours Chenies and Latimer. The 4pm start should ensure clear-ish heads after the Ricky 80s Night the previous evening, and ensure that unholy post-match trinity of setting sun, pint of lager, and warm cheeseburger….hang on, what do you mean someone’s changed the start time to 1pm?

It wouldn’t be Rickmansworth without some sort of pre-match drama, and moving the start time three hours earlier without actually telling the Sunday organiser certainly made this another weekend of Dynasty without the shoulder pads. The change of time left three players unable to change their plans (citing, reasonably, Father’s Day lunches); fortunately, replacements were found. The shenanigans left the Rickmansworth XI with a schizophrenic appearance on paper: batting like the World XI, bowling like Ilford 2nd XI. How would we perform against Chenies’ first string?

Batting first, Chris Morris and Callum Cusack started the innings well. Mark Wembridge, batting at No.3, posted an excellent 58 to help the visitors post a halfway respectable total. Some of my fellow correspondents might deem Wembridge’s score a “big fifty, worth 110 under other circumstances”, but we’ll just call it a good knock.

Alas, like an undersized Primark bra on Jordan’s chest, Wembridge had little support from below. It is difficult to pluck a highlight from a string of single-figure scores, but mention must be made of Cusack Jnr.’s first-ball dismissal. Despite sound advice from the pavilion (“if you see two balls out there, hit the half-volley”), Cusack was castled by a fantastic delivery which just clipped the top of off-stump. Popular opinion was that Rory’s wicket was broken by a deflection from the home keeper’s stomach, until said keeper pointed out that the stump wouldn’t have been bent back towards him had that been the case. Good point. It was, alas, slightly lost on Rory, who lingered to gaze open-mouthed at the stumps, like Ozzy Osborne confronted with advanced algebra, until the new batsman arrived to replace him.

Defending 128 looked like a tricky task for an anorexic bowling line-up, and so it proved. However, taking six wickets was an excellent achievement. Morris, opening the bowling, returned a tight spell, whilst the veteran Tony MacDonald-Barker’s exceedingly well-flighted slow-left-arm saw him dismiss the dangerous Anderson and Chapman, the latter to a smart stumping from Ken Brown. MacDonald-Barker was delighted to have been called up to the England squad for the Over 70s Ashes this summer – splendid reward for a true cricket enthusiast. Charlie Bennett’s spell started well, but his reward for bowling the enigmatically-named Rob was to be carted for three sixes from his first three balls to the new batsman. If that isn’t a perfect analogy of life’s rich tapestry, I don’t know what is.

At this point, mention should be made of the man behind the sticks for Rickmansworth, Ken Brown. Some had thought that Sunday legend Ollie Welton would be a hard act to follow. (What’s the difference between Ollie Welton and a rake? One catches grass, the other grasses catches). However, Brown has a slightly different approach, his keeping embracing both considerable skill and base comedy – often in the same match.

Today, he followed his stumping with an attempt to repeat the trick from Ben Cutler’s bowling. He was considerably aided in this endeavour by batsman Norwood, who charged up the track, swiped, missed, and simply stood there, in the hope that his dismissal could give someone else a hit. Brown twice attempted to field the ball in the manner of a grey seal with a bar of soap, failing to gather it in either attempt. In the end, skipper Callum Cusack ran in from slip to but the batsman out of his misery. Cutler’s resultant brace was no more than the bowler deserved.

This sort of incident summed up a genuinely enjoyable match, in which there was great team spirit. Everybody got a game, Chenies’ bar profits were given a serious boost, and the post-match barbeque was greatly enjoyed by all. On the latter subject, credit must be given to Charlie Bennett, who set a probable new record of seven burgers consumed after the game (although, being an accountant, this will probably have been adjusted to two by the time this report is posted). A new career as the poster boy for British minced beef will doubtless follow.

The return game at Rickmansworth is on 28 July – start time still to be confirmed – and should be one to look forward to. Meanwhile, normal service resumes this coming Sunday, with the visit of Garbaldersham. Anyone who enjoys their cricket is most welcome.